A Dream

I was in college. I was sitting in a bright and small-ish classroom. He appeared as my favorite professor, standing at the podium and telling us that this would be his last class.

My heart sank: Gone? Really? Forever? Is this farewell? I teared up. Disappointment swept over me.

The sun shone through the window behind it. He seemed ... happier, more open, and more "readable" than his usual self, which always seemed mysterious and impenetrable like a dark pond with unknown depth. He talked like a Californian, about nature, environmental protection, organic living, etc., etc.

(After I woke up, it struck me that the California element probably came from the memory of attending a college in Southern California, although at that time I had no idea about all the Californianisms.)

...

I walked through a narrow corridor and came upon a small ice skating rink. Brandon Mroz and another skater (must have been Ryan Bradley although I could not be sure) were practicing on the ice. Tom Zakrasjek and his permanent maid Becky Calvin were standing at the other end. Suddenly Brandon skated over and winked at me. I was so surprised that I forgot to acknowledge the wink.

I continued walking down the narrow corridor. Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw a rather thin Jeff Goldblum. He looked shorter and thus more approachable than his purported self (I have never seen him in real life, but I heard he is quite tall). He smiled at me conspiratorially, "We can't just let him go, can we?"

I immediately understood what he meant but feigned ignorance. "Who?" I said, my heart pounding. He pulled me into a glass, window-less room and sat me down, and handed me a piece of paper. It was a petition to the professor, asking him to stay. I realized that I was supposed to sign it. "We can't let him get away from us, can we?" He said again with the conspiratorial smile and a twinkle in his eye. "We have to find him first," he said, and then instructed me to go to so-and-so building where the faculty offices resided.

...

I was walking down the corridor again and entered a large office with a sea of cubicles and bright lights. People and noises were all around me.

Suddenly I saw the professor's back in front of me. Nervously I called out to him, "Sir! Sir!" He turned around briefly and I blurted out, "Mr. Goldblum has been looking for you. He asked me to find you and tell you."

He nodded and received the slip of paper. I quickly turned around and walked out of the office. Why did I have no courage to beg him to stay? I so wanted to say the words, but my tongue was tied and my heart heavy.

Will he stay? The question remained hanging in the air.

In an office nearby, I found an album of his photographs --- not ones of him but rather photos he owned. They were beautiful and whimsical. In one photo was a bunny rabbit sitting in tall grass, who was gazing between the blades of grass at a man walking by. The man was shorter than the grass. In another photo, a beetle (or perhaps a ladybug?) was standing next to a man riding a donkey. Both the man and the donkey were a tenth the size of the bug.

I understood. "Nature is larger than man."

How We Decide

抢在图书馆到期死线之前把这本书看完了。

实际上最近出了不少类似话题的书，至少有三本是题材和内容相当接近的：Blink (Malcolm Gladwell), How We Decide (Jonah Lehrer), The Emotional Brain (Joseph LeDoux)，甚至他们引用的研究试验文章也都有所重叠。LeDoux 的那本应该是最早的，他是正式的神经心理学家，自己做研究的，我一直打算看但是还没看。另外两个都读过了，Lehrer 有科学试验的训练和背景，所以他的书含有较多的技术内容， dopamine 啦，脑神经区域啦，有提到但是不需要读者上过大学或医学院一年级的解剖生理课。而Gladwell 坚决不用生词儿，甚至很少描述脑扫描试验（虽然我相信他一定读过这方面论文），他的书最文艺，最娱乐，最“不科学”。

按理说，我应该最不喜欢 Gladwell 的书，但实际并不，我很喜欢他的书，虽然他的解释的方式常常很不科学很不严谨，但是效果非常好。把 Blink 和 How We Decide 两本书对照着看，感觉很奇异。

TBC.

滑冰的男孩子的妈妈经

朋友给我发了一个网页，是几年前在一个叫做 Unseen Skaters 的网站上的论坛上的妈妈经，几个妈妈讨论如果儿子喜欢搞花样滑冰，周围人不支持，爸爸害怕儿子是弯的，受到旁人讥笑欺负怎么办，是不是应该不许他练，保护他不受到学校里的蠢男生们欺负。（我还认识另外一个朋友，这个网站的站长，自己是没孩子的，但她经常志愿帮助默默无名的小选手和他们的家长。）

说实话这些真实的讨论把我给看哭了，简直就是现实版 Billy Elliott，咋没人来取材写个剧本呢？支持儿子搞滑冰的妈妈和男孩子都太有勇气了。

This shouldn't be an issue about sexual orientation. Skating is a SPORT. The fact that it is designed to ultimately look easy - and the fact that costumes and music play into the equation - gives an impression that it is a "sissy" sport for guys. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When we were in Portland in 2005, some of the practice ice was in a rink located at a shopping mall. The skaters that took early morning ice didn't have a lot of room to work in and the people who came in to watch at 6AM were an interesting mix of the Portland population. I was standing by the railing watching my son and several other jr and sr men practice. A motorcycle guy (I'm not stereotyping; he was talking with his friend about his bike) came and stood beside me. I was fully expecting to "do battle" over any comments made. Instead, this guy and his friend watched and the only thing they could say was, "I didn't know this was what skating is. These guys are good. This is hard stuff."

Depending on the skaters' levels, three to four rotations in a jump are completed in approximately one second; it is 8 times your body weight every time you land a jump; depending on your level and your coach, approximately 20 - 30 jumps are attempted on a 45 minute session for between two and four sessions per day. There is core training, weight training, stretching, warm-up, cool down, aerobic and anaerobic training. Skaters at the competitive levels are some of the most highly trained athletes in sport.

If you have been around this forum for awhile, you know my feeling on this subject. My son went through a lot of mental and emotional torture in his old community in order to skate. You do not force a boy to skate; they choose this sport. If they really want to do it, support it 110%. Do not waiver. Be PROUD to tell people your son skates. If it is something you want for them but they are not committed to, rethink your motivation. If they stay in and compete, they develop lifelong friendships, they learn discipline and organization and they learn to be tough-skinned - something that pays off later in ones working life.

In those early years, when my son had to enter the rink through the Zamboni door in order to avoid running the gauntlet of hockey players and their fathers (and some mothers) who were merciless in their comments, I told my son to remember that "Success will be your best revenge." Now that he is a Seen skater, he goes back to his old rink and club annually to do a show and raise money so other boys (and girls) can skate. And guess who's in the audience paying money to watch and asking for autographs? Some of the SAME people who, years ago, taunted him and made his life a nightmare for a long time.

Skating is a sport-a tough sport. It's more than tough physically (you can look at our medical and PT bills - or your own, I'm sure!); it's tough mentally and emotionally, for boys AND for girls. It's not about glitter and costumes and music. That doesn't determine your orientation. It's about commitment to something you love to do. Wouldn't we all be so lucky in life to find something we truly love to do, learn it, succeed in it and then move forward with our lives knowing that we did it the best we could.

Sorry for the soap box. It's a passionate subject for those of us who support our sons' commitment - or any skaters' commitment.

写这段话的妈妈的儿子现在是两届全美冠军以及奥运会代表队成员。

This and That, Knick and Knack

一个多星期的花样滑冰马拉松（都怪美国滑冰协会把全国赛拖这么长时间）算是告终了。下星期有四大洲比赛，但是参赛者大多是三流选手 --- 奥运就快到了，即使是替补选手都宁可在家训练而不是跑到韩国比赛 --- 所以没啥看头。打算有空的时候瞄一眼全国赛上错过的 novice dance, junior ladies 之类的比赛，顺便找找加拿大全国赛的视频之类。

不过也许不一定会有空，"How We Decide" 这本书快看完了，下一本想看The Girl With Dragon Tattoos。还要记一笔，读一下 Joseph LeDoux 的 "The Emotional Brain" 这一本。

在电视上看见BBC新版 Emma ，果然如 CAVA 所说，好难看。女主角成天咯咯傻笑，扮现代派，其实搁在现代也一样让人受不了。大家都很 self-consciously overact。所以拍喜剧是一件难事，一不小心就过火了。故事原来就有点傻呵呵的，这么一搞简直弱智了。原来又重拍了 Persuasion，这几年拍了有三四版了吧？BBC 真的闹剧本荒还是怎么的。

不过下星期最重要的事情是补觉，打算天天十一点上床，把过去十天乱七八糟的作息给补偿回来。

Immigrants

几年前参加一个电影讨论小组时，谈到移民题材的电影，主持讨论的人问我最喜欢的移民电影是哪一部，我不假思索地答：The Godfather 2。她表情意外地看了我一眼，我才明白她以为我会答喜福会之类关于华裔或者至少是亚裔的移民电影。

今年的冰舞节目里，意大利选手 Faiella/Scali 的自由舞广受赞扬。没看见之前就听说是关于移民题材的，我登时联想起 The Godfather 2。结果一看，还真是把教父续集里soundtrack的一部分拿过来用的。当然不是教父主题旋律，那个会让人联想到黑手党 --- 这是不可以滴。所以基本上是重复使用教父2里面回忆怀旧部分的旋律。作为整个自由舞的音乐，材料嫌单薄了一点，tempo 和旋律都重复好几遍，缺乏变化。但是Nino Rota的音乐本身是很好的，又跟选手自己的心情和背景十分贴切，所以效果不错。

这个节目在Youtube上有视频。

反高潮

从星期五到昨晚，不，今早凌晨两点，一直在看全国花样滑冰比赛转播（双人滑和男单项目）。比赛间隙中在相关网站上看别人的言论和现场冰迷报告的花絮谣言之类；因为加拿大全国赛也是周末进行，还经常去看那边的排名的当场报道，不过因为CBC不许外国IP上网看他们的转播，只能查分数。

现在脑子过度饱和了，十分麻木，dopamine 持续释放，显然超载放光了。特别是今年男单比赛中Jeremy Abbott蝉联冠军，青少年组里又是两个非常有意思的15岁小孩儿获得冠亚军，兴奋过度了我。

前几年只能靠network TV施舍的那两三个钟头的转播，每个项目只能看到最有名的五六个选手已经很运气了。现在网络发达，Ice Network转播全部的比赛，每项比赛的每个选手的节目都在网站上，可以看直播也可以时候看录像。Novice, junior, senior 三个级别的比赛都在上面。根本没工夫全看，只能挑几个有兴趣的重点看看。

今年的比赛在华盛顿州进行，比东岸时间晚三个钟头，因为比赛太多，有些项目不得不安排到晚上九点以后，加上时差，星期五和昨晚我都看到凌晨两点。真是昏天黑地呀。

这星期休养生息，从礼拜四开始又要比赛下半部分了，女单和冰舞。女单还好，冰舞又会让我兴奋过度。所以现在要 lay low，歇着脑子里的 dopamine neurons。

Everything I know about music I learned from FS

从花样滑冰网站上看到有人推荐 Tom Lehrer 的搞笑歌曲，真的不错哎，好好笑，特此记录。

例如 Masochism Tango，Lobachevsky。

Tom Lehrer 网站： http://www.tomlehrer.org/