In January 2000, I was briefly unemployed after the completion of my post-graduate internship. In fact, I was waiting for a job offer from the place where I did the internship, but that's beside the point. During the idle weeks, I sometimes walked to the library nearby for internet access. (Ah, the era of no smart phones.)
On a cold day with melting snow on the ground, while using the library computer, an Asian American young man, of the same age as I was, standing next to me asked me whether I would meet him for coffee. I was not interested in a romantic relationship at the time, but I was too bored to turn down an opportunity to meet my curiosity half way. So we met for coffee once and talked. I remember much of what he told me. He was of Korean heritage but born in the US. He enlisted in the military out of high school, where he was diagnosed with depression and soon left it. He alluded to pressure from his parents for him to be "tough," which might have led to the disastrous experience. He continued to feel conflicted and confused. I listened with interest and sympathy, and suggested that he "should talk to someone," ie, to pursue psychotherapy. To be sure, I had not gone through any psychotherapy myself by that time, but I had an interest in psychology and some education in that area to sense that it could be beneficial to the young man.
Before we parted --- never to see each other again --- he said, "You are a remarkable person."
Years later, I had my own encounter with psychotherapy, which led to some important, even transformative, growth in me. I continue to think of this young man from time to time. I hope he did pursue his own psychotherapy and achieve his version of emotional growth. There is a connection between me and the vulnerable and confused person on that day that seems to become stronger over time.
And I continue to have complicated feelings about being a "remarkable" person, one of the central issues I explored long and hard, often with pain, during therapy. Like all of the issues we worked on, it never completely resolves and will always require exploration and reflection. Am I a remarkable person? Is he? Why and how? And, of course, the most important question, how does it make me feel?
